Canada’s game, not our national game, but our national pastime, something every Canadian kid has ever dreamed of, most of us dreamed of playing for the Canadiens, while others dreamed of the Maple Leafs. Schoolyard rivalries pitted friend against friend at playoff time, and many a fair dime or two was wagered on the outcome of some of the best rivalries of our time.

My best friend in Grade school was Gabriel Ricardelli (if you’re out there, pop me a line eh?), but the only fault he had was that he was a Bruins fan. I didn’t hold it against him, but I did make a pretty penny on playoff bets… Today the family is mostly united behind the Canadiens, but there is still the eldest who likes to be a spoil-sport, we like him just the same though.

Hockey is a fascination to many of us because frankly, it means actually going out during the winter and doing something, instead of doing as many of us may have liked, sitting indoors, around the fireplace, keeping warm. But if you’ve ever played hockey, you’ll know how much energy is burned. You never get much time to worry about feeling cold, becuase right after you’ve finished lacing up the skates, the game is on! Playing hockey on a local skating rink, or in the backyard is always a great deal of fun, playing in the street with the guys from the neighborhood was always inviting, no matter the bitter cold weather, here I was, Ken Dryden, stopping the indomitable Guy Lafleur (we were all habs fans, what choice did we have!). Hockey gets in your blood, it drives you mad, and keeps you happy.

Watching hockey, however, can be a bit of a stressful situation. You get so connected to your team that you start to feel every check. Every shot on net pumps your adrenaline, and when the puck crosses that line, and the red light goes on, wow, that feeling of euphoria, makes you jump out of your seat! Yelling at the screen happens a lot when the family gets together to watch a game, criticizing the ref when a penalty is missed, or handed out without merit. Calling out to the coach to “please change the goalie” when the umpteenth goal goes between the posts. Jumping and shouting for joy on the last minute goal by your team.

Hockey is like a drug, you just can never get enough of it, and when you’re without it for too long you start to feel uncomfortable… And oh what pain when your team is not playing for Lord Stanley’s cup! My beloved Canadiens missed the chance at the cup last year, and all of us were disappointed, we all were shocked at this injustice, for that’s how we felt when they lost a miserable game against Toronto last spring. But we made it back this year, and against all predictions, we placed 1st in the conference, imagine that eh? I’m a big Habs fan, I’ll be there rooting for them all the way, I can’t say I’m their biggest fan, cause we all know that’s Paul, but I can’t imagine a post season without them, and this year, who knows, maybe we’ll be flying that 25th Stanley Cup banner at the Bell Centre.

Ray

Sometimes, no matter what it is you’re doing, you have this sense that it’s just not going right, it happens to a lot of people, and many wind up falling victim to that sense. Fortunately, it’s a lot easier to overcome this than one might expect.

Start by taking a step back, really understand what it is that you’re doing and maybe even put it to bed for a little bit, one hour, two hours, one day even, just give yourself some distance from whatever it is that is causing this sense of displacement. For that’s really what it is. You’re feeling off track, and it’s not fatal!

But for many that’s not the easiest thing in the world, especially if they feel that they’ve got nothing else to keep themselves occupied with in a positive manner. The key to why some feel this way is that they’re trying to continue being constructive while this negative thought is still hitting them. Trying to become successful at anything while being hit by negative vibes is a losing battle, and one that very few manage to overcome.

So stop trying to be successful, stop trying so hard, find something completely unrelated to what it is you’re doing and do that instead.

Take my personal example from last night. I was having this problem for most of the day yesterday on a particular coding project I was working on, I tried throughout the day to start other projects and other work in order to get my mind away from what was giving me grief. The problem I was having was that I was still working on the problem while working on other projects. I kept two things occupying my mind at the same time and both turned out to be less than successful, that is, until I realized what I was doing wrong, and I do the same sort of thing repeatedly, and am only starting to get used to separating myself from these problems with the right sort of actions.

Sure, you can push the positive thoughts to the front of the brain and use them to bash your way through the negative thoughts, or you can truly let your mind rest, take a break and completely separate yourself from the task that is giving you this impending sense of failure.

I decided I needed to play a game, something simple really, but somethign that I knew I would enjoy, win or lose. It’s important to have these other avenues of enjoyment that will let your brain enjoy a little peace and quiet, even if it means playing Wii for two hours to get your mind untwisted…

That’s all it really takes sometimes, taking it outside of your current zone, finding a new place to exist for just a little bit, to let your brain take a break. When you come back, you’ll be surprised at how easily it will be to get back on track.

Ray

I was watching the Colbert Report last night, as I do on most weekday nights (it doesn’t air on Friday, dangit!) and I was enthralled by his guest, a theoretical physicist, Lisa Randall.

I’m not sure if it was expressly stated, but there was a discussion of what I’m going to like to call Transdimensional Particles. Particles that could exist in two dimensions at once. Wouldn’t you like to be in two places at once? I can tell you that there are many times I wish I could be in two places at the same time. Heck, I wouldn’t mind being in three or four places at once.

It’s important, sometimes, to at least appear to be in more than one place at a time, and that comes with a bit of help, and a lot of information. People may often ask where you heard this or that, and sometimes it’s important to tell them, but many times it’s just not prudent to be revealing your sources, it might just be more important to provide that illusion of being in more than one place at a time.

I have strong feelings for the different parts of my life, I have a wonderful family, on both sides and all around. Being a family isn’t restricted to blood relation either, I’ve got many people I consider far to friendly to be just friends, and I rely on them very much. In everything I do I try to make sure that I “first do no harm.” It’s what many take as the important meaning of the Hippocratic oath, and something I hold forward as a motto to live by. I have, in the past, and perhaps in the future will again, caused harm by my actions and my speech. To say that these things are intentional is flat out wrong, and I’ve tried to make amends whenever I’ve inadvertently done wrong. But in many cases I’ll come into information about something that will put me in a spot where revealing that info will both cause harm and protect another. What is the right action, can I also be on two sides of the same argument? No, of course not, so I have to take my pick, use my moral compass to direct me in the right direction and deal with the consequences. Sometimes it’s a question of someone not necessarily telling the truth, sometimes it’s a question of not being told the “rest of the story.” But sometimes too, it’s because I’ve been specifically asked not to say the rest. Perhaps I’ve been told not to use the words that would, perhaps, open up the dialogue that is needed.

Well, I speak only for me, and can only judge myself by my own moral compass, others may wish to see the worst, while those who know, will see what is real.

Ray

So I decided to revert back to the blog format for this site, I basically realized that I am not going to need for the forseeable future a content management system, I was just making poor use of the script, so back to the blog.

Now all I have to do is customize it to my liking and tell you a thing or two in it. Originally I had thought this was going to be solely about motivation, but frankly, The Road to Online Success - Words of Experience can handle that pretty well all on it’s own. This site, will be about family.

It will talk about what I do with and for my family, how family affects the decisions I make, and how I think family impacts the decisions of every person who takes a step on The Road to Online Success. Family affects how we work, how we play, where we spend our time and who we spend that time with. Be it the Family we grew up with, or the Family we’ve started of our own.

My family was one of 5 children and two parents, not something you hear about too much anymore, but I’ve managed to start my own family of 3 children and two parents as well. Maybe it’s the two parents part that’s more odd than the number of children my parents had, I don’t know. I’ve been blessed to have had a good upbringing, and hope to be able to do the same for my children.

I decided to work at home because of my family, and am working to create a solid income so my wife can come home too if she wants. Yes, we’re a two income family, as are many these days, and we live on a budget to make sure we’ve got everything we need for our children. Not only have we made sure to have everything we need for our children, we’ve made sure to be there when our children need us, we’ve made it our priority to see to our children’s needs above all else.

So I’m home today, I work from home every day, I work code for a number of friends and associates online, I run my e-commerce sites, and I’m here when my children come home from school. I don’t work 9-5, that’s not enough hours to get what I need done, I work 7:30-3:30, then help the children with their homework, then I’m back to work until at least 6:00, when my wife gets home and then we prepare supper for the family. Sometimes I prepare it, but most times it’s Ying.

And we like it that way, family first, family always.

Ray

Do you see yourself as a free person?

Do you see yourself as someone chained down?

It all comes down to a question of mindset. If you view yourself as someone who is trapped, and cannot get out, then you’ll wind up feeling that way no matter what options come your way. You’ll find yourself giving up when you don’t need to.

If you take the time to see the good in what it is you’re doing, and give yourself a chance to truly appreciate the positive aspects, then you’ll slowly come to realize that it’s not all that bad after all.

Could it be better? Sure it could, it could be better for all of us, I’m sure Donald Trump doesn’t get up each and every morning saying that this is the best it’s gonna get, even he finds room for improvement.

So how do we improve our situation, how do we make ourself free in our daily lives?

It takes a little bit of time, but it’s well worth it. Really take stock of your situation, what is good about it, what needs to change, how can the good be affected by any change, how can the bad be affected by change, will the overall balance make you truly feel free, or will you lose out on something in the process of change.

There’s no doubt that change is good, it’s the best thing in the world, for most people, but for some the change can also cause pain, and you have to really think about the change you’re about to make before you go out and make it.

Change brings lots of new experiences and new experiences can be scary, so make sure you’re not letting the fear put you in a negative mindset, embrace the change and understand that fear is only natural, but at the same time, make sure you understand what stands outside of the fear. In the passing through of fear you may find yourself incredibly fortunate, and to have found your freedom.

Understand that change can be good, and understand what that change means to you, and your family too! Be ready to change for the better, but understand that a wrong step can also be a learning experience, and help you find your way on the right path.

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, but remember to correct them when you get the chance. After that, live your changes, embrace the newfound challanges, be free!

Ray

Do you ever get the feeling that something is going to go wrong, and there’s nothing you can do about it? I think it’s something everyone faces up to from time to time, and what truly separates the Successful from the unsuccessful is the way they handle this.

Anyone can feel fear, and almost everyone, with the exception of a few truly disturbed people, feel fear at some time in their lives. Feeling fear is natural and is what has helped us evolve, for without fear, we’d never have been able to find ways of overcoming obstacles.

Now, surely I must be joking, humankind is not ruled by our fears is it? Well, in my ever-so-humble opinion, it is. Fear of the unknown, fear of the known, arachnaphobia, you name it, there’s always something for us to fear. But with fear being a healthy part of life, we learn and grow from our fears.

I think Stephen King must have, and perhaps still is, full of fears. But he puts it to very good use by publishing novels that play on those fears and shows us just what may exist on the dark side of life. And I’m sure anyone who writes about fears uses those as a means of coping and understanding fear better. Makes us all better in the long run.

I have fears as well, fears of finding something not quite right in my own little corner of the universe, and even a fear of not succeeding in the way I had envisioned.

“Fear of not succeeding” you will notice is not the same a fear of failure, we all have a fear of failure at some point in our lives, but it’s not a fear of failure that drives people, it’s the realization that fear exists that can push someone to greater heights. I’m never sure how I’m going to succeed, but recently it’s come to my awareness, with the help of some friends, that I’ve managed to succeed on a level I had never thought of before. I’ve become successful at helping.

Successful at helping, not a very rewarding thing financially, but something worthy of note no matter what happens to be your ultimate goal in life. I remember the proverb I saw just a few short days ago in a newsletter from Traffic Hoopla, and which was reprinted in the newsletter for The Road to Online Success - Traffic Builder. I’ll include it here as well:

If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day, go fishing.
If you want happiness for a month, get married.
If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime, help others.

A question of happiness, and is not happiness a sense we get when overcoming fear? Maybe, maybe not… In any case I’ve found the secret of happiness in helping others. Although it’s great to make the money I do, it’s also great to see that even without financial rewards, helping is fun. Great Fun!

A sense of accomplishment accompanies those who have successfully helped someone out with a particular problem in life, and I’m glad I can help. I’ve been asked a number of times if I’d rather be rewarded financially or spiritually, spiritually wins out every time…

But I”m not closed to the idea fo financial rewards either…

Ray

Wow! if you really wanted to lose weight, there’s really only one place to go!

quoted from the Canadian Press:

Geophysicists from the University of Toronto and Harvard analyzed data from a pair of satellites designed to measure the Earth’s gravitational field, zeroing in on Canada where the pull of gravity is abnormally low.

It seems that we Canadians weigh less than our American counterparts, not because of a healthier diet, nor because of excercise, but because of a glacier that left the area tens of thousands of years ago!

Here I was, visiting my sister-in-law in Washington D.C., took a quick peek at the scale they had and thought I’d see how my diet was coming along, shocked to discover I had gained weight instead of losing it, I decide to not eat any more food for the duration of my visit.

It’s too bad the visit was over and we were already on our way home, but I digress. Seems I didn’t actually gain wait while I was in D.C., but that the amount I weighed there was higher than I weighed here (Montreal, Quebec, Canada) becuase we have a different gravity than our cousins to the south!

All it takes to lose weight it to move north of the border, suddenly you wont have your friends calling you fatso anymore and no more fat jokes!

<tongue firmly planted in cheek>