“Respect your elders”

Every child grows up with this phrase ringing in his or her ears. Every child is taught by their parents to show respect for those who came before them. The Elders know more than you do, so their actions should be respected.

But when does it come time for you to decide on your own if you should respect someone or not? Does it ever come time to make that decision on your own? It surely does, as you grow up, you start to know more and more, you learn and understand how actions taken by one person may affect another. You see what actions are respectful, and which actions are not.

Respect at a certain age becomes not a gift given to anyone older than yourself, but becomes something given to those who have truly earned that respect, no matter their age. You may have respected someone all of your life, but at a certain point you have to decide if that respect is rightfully given. You may change how you respect someone based on your life lessons, what you’ve learned about yourself and others. You have to find out for yourself what you need to know, or see, in order to give your respect to another.

I’ve got my own sense of respect, and the respect I give is based on a number of things, I might respect someone who has achieved greatness, but not necessarily respect that same person if I see them as abusive towards others. So yes, respect the achievement, but not the morality. Does one cancel out the other? No, the second is far more important, in my humble opinion.

In order for someone to gain my respect, they have to show me the same things I would expect them to respect me for, not the least of which is honesty. Should someone prove to be a liar, I will definitely show very little respect for that person, regardless of how old they are. Should someone act only in the interest of themselves, again, not someone I can respect. In the same way, someone who cannot act for themselves, but allows themselves to be led by other earns no respect from me.

An upstanding member of the community is someone deserving of respect, but if that upstanding member of the community proves to be someone who is ready to belittle, or goad others, then that person loses any respect they might have earned.

But can respect be regained? Yes, respect can be regained, if only one tries. If someone has been proven of being a liar, and truly regrets the lying, they can earn back their respect, with an apology and a sincere effort to make amends. If someone is guilty of hurting another, they can regain their respect with the proper efforts to make things right, to help ease the pain they have caused. The person who has failed to act as their own person can earn respect again by showing that they’ve learned and made decisions based on their own ideals, and not those of another.

Yes, respect can be regained, it takes acceptance of wrongdoing, it takes a sincere effort to change, and it takes someone to forgive…

Ray